Emotional hurt is a terrible thing to experience, especially when it comes from a friend or relative.
No matter how terrible being hurt by your friend or relative is, being hurt by your husband is at least ten times worse.
When you think things can’t get any worse, it actually does.
What’s worse than your husband hurting you emotionally is him continuing to hurt you emotionally without caring.
He took oaths to forever love and cherish you, but it seems that you can no longer recognize the monster he has become.
He is quick to dismiss your feelings and doesn’t hesitate to gaslight you.
He ignores you when you are hurt and sometimes seems to go out of his way to inflict emotional hurt on you.
If this is your situation, then I am sorry.
I know you are confused, sad, and hurt.
I know that beyond all these, you want to fix the situation and, once again, have the husband who promised to cherish you.
There are no quick solutions to this problem but understanding the reasons your husband keeps hurting you emotionally may help you come up with a solution.
Let’s get on with it!
6 Reasons Your Husband Keeps Hurting You Emotionally
1. He is not aware that he is hurting you
I don’t believe that your husband can be hurting you continuously without him being aware of what he is doing.
However, when I was brainstorming on this topic with a friend, he insisted that some people can hurt people consistently without being aware of it.
His point was that sometimes, we don’t realize the impact of our words and actions on the people we love.
I agree with this.
Sometimes, you find yourself saying things you don’t mean to your partner out of anger or disappointment.
It just comes out of your mouth without realizing what you are doing.
Your husband may not have had the intention of hurting you emotionally when he said or did the things that he did.
But it did hurt you.
Now, the problem is how do you recognize that your husband is not aware of the emotional hurt he inflicts on you.
It’s hard actually to know this…
But if you notice that even in the early days of your relationship, your husband was the kind of person who didn’t weigh his words before speaking, then maybe he is unintentionally hurting you emotionally.
Another thing you can look at is the frequency at which he hurts you emotionally.
Does he do it only occasionally?
Does he apologize the moment he realizes what he has done?
If he does all these, it is a sign that he may not be aware of the fact that he hurts you emotionally.
I know it’s hard to believe, but some people lack emotional intelligence.
This is in no way making an excuse for his obvious flaw.
Hurting someone you love emotionally is wrong, and he needs to improve his emotional intelligence.
2. He doesn’t respect you
When your husband keeps on hurting you emotionally, then you may need to consider the fact that he no longer respects you.
When a man loses respect for you, it’s very obvious.
Their actions and words say it no matter how much they try to hide it.
He no longer treats you like the treasure he used to call you.
Now, he treats you like you are subhuman and beneath his notice, except when he needs someone on whom to pour his scorn.
However, you need to know that husbands don’t just lose respect for their wives.
There must be a reason for the loss of respect; for most people, it is usually a lack of trust.
You may need to introspect deeply to realize if you have done anything in the past that could have caused your husband to lose respect for you.
If you come up with nothing after introspecting, don’t bother stressing yourself.
Sometimes, the cause of the loss of respect for you can be from your husband himself.
Perhaps he has become overfamiliar with you and can no longer see what makes him so full of love and respect for you.
There is always this tendency to lose respect for someone or something you are too familiar with.
Husbands should resist the urge to get over-familiar with their wives.
Say no to “see finish,” a Nigerian slang for overfamiliarity.
3. He is unhappy
This particular reason is not limited to the relationship.
If your husband is unhappy generally, he may hurt you emotionally without caring.
He may be so caught up with the worries and stress of life that he doesn’t even realize that he is hurting you emotionally.
After all, it is difficult for you to care about other people’s emotions when you are going through an emotional rollercoaster.
You must note that it is not impossible to care about other people’s emotions when you are going through terrible times.
It just requires immense emotional maturity, which your husband may lack.
If this is the case, you need to find a way to get him to talk about what is bothering him.
Talking to another person about it would do him some good.
In fact, in marriage, the first person you are supposed to share burdens with is your partner.
However, many men find it difficult to tell their wives when they are unhappy in life because of social conditioning and other related reasons.
How do you know if this is the reason your husband keeps hurting you emotionally?
Check how he relates with other people.
If he treats other people the same way, then it is a sign that he is generally unhappy with life.
4. He has low self-esteem
When a man has low self-esteem, it can cause a lot of issues for him in his relationship.
It is a serious issue, especially in this modern era, because many men are plagued by low self-esteem due to their upbringing, the pressure on males to succeed, and their seeming inability to live up to the expectations of society.
Due to women’s access to equal opportunities, women are beginning to bridge the gap that has existed between both genders.
Men who have self-esteem issues would have a lot of challenges being in a relationship with a high-value woman.
This is because he constantly feels like he is competing with his wife, and he seems to be losing in this competition.
Such a man would most likely maltreat and hurt his wife emotionally to remain in control of the relationship.
If your husband has low self-esteem issues, you would have noticed that he always wants to be in control, and when he feels he isn’t in control, he attempts to belittle and hurt you emotionally until you are back under his control.
Controlling you is what helps him increase his self-worth.
The only time he is happy is when he sees you down.
The saddest part about this kind of men is that they keep talking about how much they love you.
But really, is it love to hurt your wife emotionally so that you can feel in control?
5. He is tired of the marriage
This is the worst-case scenario.
It is tough to think of this, but we must consider the fact that your husband keeps hurting you emotionally because he is tired of the marriage.
The most terrible part is the fact that he plans to punish and torture you emotionally until he finally has the guts to make his move.
I can compare this to when your boyfriend ghosts you because he is tired of the relationship but doesn’t have the courage to end things the right way.
You are married to a coward who is tired of the marriage but lacks the guts to end it himself.
He probably hopes you will get fed up with how he treats you and leave the relationship.
That way, he would end up looking like the victim rather than the man who left his wife.
6. He takes you for granted
Many men have been raised with the impression that they are the head of the house in the marriage.
The basic indoctrination almost every little boy gets is that males are supposed to be dominant and assertive.
They grow up with this orientation and bring it into their marriage.
It is not bad to be assertive enough to make your opinion known in your marriage.
The problem is that he wants to control you.
If you have allowed him to do it in the past, any attempt you make to take a stand on an issue may lead to a verbal bashing.
This is a terrible situation to be in.
Your husband is being abusive deliberately, and the sooner you realize this, the better for you.
Stop making excuses for his bad behavior.
Don’t say things like…
“You know how Mike gets when you disagree with him.”
“I think he was actually right. I should have seen what he meant.”
When you say things like this, you are simply enabling your abuser to do more.
Now that we have explored the various reasons your husband keeps hurting you, I am sure you are wondering what to do about it.
Here’s what you can do about it.
Reflect on the reason your husband keeps hurting you.
Is he unaware that he even hurts his?
Then, bring it to his attention.
Is he unhappy about something?
Tell him he can talk to you instead of hurting you emotionally.
Is he doing it because he feels inadequate?
You can try to help with his inadequacies by affirming that you love him and are not competing with him.
Is he just an abusive individual? Exit that relationship as soon as you can!
You can also set clear boundaries in place.
I think you should clearly spell out what is appropriate and inappropriate in your relationship.
The final thing you can do is to love yourself.
When you love yourself, there are certain things you won’t allow.
When you love yourself, your husband will have no choice but to love you like you love yourself.