“How can he love you when he treats you as if he doesn’t even like you.” ― R. H. Sin
Do you stay up late at night wondering if your husband truly loves you because he treats you like he doesn’t even want to have anything to do with you?
This is a terrible phase for any woman to go through.
You probably feel like a whirlwind of negative emotions and thoughts are building up within you.
You are feeling hurt, angry, and confused all at the same time, and because these emotions are mostly not designed to be felt at the same time, you feel something almost akin to physical pain.
This is especially true if your husband’s meanness is a sudden change from the norm.
Sometimes, you even blame yourself because something tells you that if you could be a better wife, he would treat you better.
And when you try being a better wife but he is still mean to you, that “something” once again tells you that you could have tried harder.
Naturally, you want to know why he is mean to you, and whenever you ask him, you are either met with silence, or he lashes out at you and says something even more hurtful.
We will be helping you answer that question today by exploring why husbands become so mean to their wives.
8 Reasons Your Husband Has Become So Mean
1. He is stressed
Sometimes, people behave strangely when they are under a lot of stress.
It is important that we never forget the significant influence that stress can have on a person’s behavior.
If your husband is under pressure from work or is facing financial challenges, he may unintentionally take it out on you.
This unintentional transfer of stress and aggression is outwardly manifested as meanness.
It leaves you feeling hurt, angry, and confused, especially if he hasn’t confided in you about the pressure he is trying to cope with.
When stressed, people may inadvertently lash out at people they love.
As someone who has been under intense stress, I understand the need to lash out.
However, it is not an excuse for treating your wife like she has done something wrong.
It is best to tell your partner when you are going through a stressful period of your life.
Spouses are not just there for the pleasurable periods; they are supposed to help you through the stormy periods.
Attempting to face the stress alone may seriously affect you negatively, and your mean behavior may drive away the one person who is supposed to stand by you.
2. He is still carrying baggage from the past
Sometimes, your husband’s issues may not be with you.
He may have experienced things in the past that he has yet to come to terms with.
When a man is still carrying baggage from the past, he may be mean to his wife because something she did innocently triggered a memory from the past.
If you know that your husband has suffered heartbreaks in the past or comes from a dysfunctional family, the reason he is so mean to you may be traced to those past events.
When your husband is mean to you, it may just be an expression of the internal turmoil in his mind.
He needs to heal from the scars of the past, or he will soon add more wounds to those scars.
If he is ready to work on this, you can encourage him to visit a therapist or a counselor to help him.
3. He doesn’t know how to express himself
Sometimes, meanness may be a product of bottled-up emotions.
When a person keeps bottling up his emotions, he gets to a point where he can no longer hold it.
These outbursts often involve lashing out at an innocent person or getting angry over little things.
If your husband sucks at communicating his feelings and emotions, it could be the reason he is so mean to you.
He needs to learn how to communicate his emotions effectively.
Everyone needs to learn how to communicate their emotions effectively.
Without this, conflicts will never get resolved.
Help him improve his communication skills.
Set clear boundaries for effective communication, and the moment he crosses them, remind him that he is beginning to sound belligerent, which antagonizes effective communication.
If he is ready to learn, the future of your relationship is bright.
4. He is jealous
I always say that a little bit of jealousy is good for any relationship.
However, it should just be a LITTLE.
When a man begins to feel an overdose of jealousy, it hurts the relationship.
Men have bizarre ways of expressing jealousy.
For instance, if he feels that a guy is trying to hit on you at a party and is jealous that you gave him your attention, he may react by being mean and grumpy.
If your husband is so mean to you because of jealousy, you can handle this by assuring and reassuring him that you love him alone.
This will go a long way in reassuring him of your love and loyalty to the relationship.
He may also need to explore the option of therapy if these jealousy bouts are deep-seated in low self-esteem and past trauma.
5. He is manipulative
Well, we are starting to touch on the toxic traits that could sink any relationship.
Manipulation is not just a red flag; it’s a red billboard in any relationship, and you should run far away from a partner who exhibits such tendencies.
The sad part about manipulation is that most of the time, the victims are not even aware of what is going on.
If your husband is so mean to you, it may be an intentional attempt to control and manipulate you into doing all his bidding.
I know you were taught to think that manipulation is when someone persuades someone sweetly to do something.
That’s an aspect of manipulation.
However, people can be mean to you and drive you to the point that you want to win their approval by doing anything they want.
Your husband could be employing this tactic by being so mean to you because he wants to manipulate you into doing what he wants.
He may also attempt to guilt-trip you into doing whatever he wants or, worse yet, gaslight you into believing something that didn’t happen.
If you are in this kind of toxic relationship with a husband who is not ready to change, you need to gather all your strength to decide whether you stay or not.
No one should remain in an abusive relationship, but the choice is still yours to make.
6. He is unhappy
Well, you can’t actually expect an unhappy man to be all sunny and bright.
Unhappiness has this way of expressing itself as surliness and meanness of such high proportion that you are shocked.
If your husband is unhappy with you, he may express this unhappiness by being mean to you.
This doesn’t justify being mean to you.
Communication is critical; if your partner does something you don’t like, you should tell them.
People are not mind readers.
I used to be like this.
Whenever people offended me, I would become quiet and withdraw into my shell, acting cold towards them.
I did this until I realized that many of them didn’t even know they had done anything wrong to me.
They felt I was acting up and being an Ice King as usual by giving everyone the cold shoulder.
Husbands, communicate why you are unhappy with your wife.
Don’t just expect her to read your mind and come bearing sacrifices to appease you.
7. He doesn’t respect you
I know you don’t want to consider the fact that your husband doesn’t respect you, but when a man is so mean to you, it may just be a sign of disrespect.
Respect is one of the pillars of any successful relationship.
If your husband doesn’t respect you, he is already violating one of the key principles upon which any marriage should be founded.
A lack of respect for your spouse can be the source of other terrible acts committed in relationships.
Acts of infidelity and abuse all stem from this lack of respect for a spouse.
Regardless of the reason for his disrespect, a relationship that isn’t built on mutual respect is bound to collapse, and you should never ignore the fact that your partner disrespects you.
I share the same view as Steve Maraboli when he said,
If your husband continues to be disrespectful and mean to you, consider ending the marriage before it is too late.
8. His friends treat their wives the same way
Ooh, did you think peer pressure only affected teenagers?
It is those teenagers who grow up to be adult men, and many of them still crave the acceptance of their friends.
So, if you have noticed that it is a trend for your husband’s friends to be mean to their wives, you shouldn’t wonder why your husband behaves that way.
Your husband may be trying to gain the approval of his friends by behaving like them.
Peer pressure can be subtle sometimes, but it can have disastrous effects on your relationship.
In this situation, you also have to be subtle as well.
Find a subtle way to get your husband to realize that the company he keeps is not healthy.
You can also try to involve him in other activities you know he would love.
Maybe he will meet other people, and they will be able to positively influence him.
Understanding why your husband is mean to you will help you know what to do about the situation.
However, in any relationship where you are beginning to notice toxic behaviors, you should be prepared to exit the relationship if your partner doesn’t show any sign of wanting to improve.
No one should have to deal with being in a toxic marriage… No one
Or…….He’s found someone else, and wants you to ask him to leave, so the blame gets shifted to you.