‘This is not the man I married. You have changed,’ said a woman to her husband amidst sobs.
She’s not the first woman to say this; many other women have complained the same too.
When they were dating, they seemed to be getting along well.
And now that they are married, they don’t seem to understand this side of him they are seeing.
But really, why do men change after marriage?
Some of these traits were probably there, but their wives ignored them during courtship.
It’s also important to note that some changes don’t just happen; some factors could be responsible.
Let’s look at a few reasons why men change negatively after marriage.
Why Do Husbands Change After Marriage?
1. Denial of Intimacy
Being married allows the couples to be intimate and affectionate with each other.
And generally, men are known to have higher libido than women.
Now that he’s married, he desires to be sexually intimate with the woman he loves.
When a man’s sexual need is constantly met, he will feel like the luckiest man on earth and will always seek to do things that would make you glad that you chose him to be your husband.
But if his wife always refuses his advances, there’s every likelihood he might change from being the “sweetest man ever known” and start ignoring her in the house.
Just as we clamor that men should be more sensitive to the needs of their wives, so also crucial for women to do the same for their husbands.
The decision to get married to this man means you’re ready to meet his sexual and emotional needs.
It’s understandable that sometimes, one might be unable to meet this need.
However, there’s a way to gracefully communicate it without bruising his ego.
You could even suggest another time and try as much as possible to be the one to initiate it when that time comes.
2. Increase in responsibilities
When a man gets married, he moves from a single man who probably fended solely for himself to a married man who has to care for his wife and children.
This reality makes him put more effort into strategizing how to increase his income streams to meet his duties.
Of course, this might require that he gives more time to his job so that he can give his family the good life they deserve.
While his wife complains that he has changed from always being available, he might believe he’s doing his best for his family.
If you observe any change in your husband, it’s better to communicate with him.
It would also help if you were more understanding and patient with him.
At the same time, offering to assist where necessary could help ease the burden and help you get along well.
While you were dating, he put his best foot forward.
He did everything to impress and win your heart.
And now that you’re married to him, he has you in his corner.
There’s no point being prim and proper again.
You start new versions of him, which you never expected, making you wonder why he changed.
This is why our minds need to be open regarding relationships.
By this, I mean it’s normal for your boyfriend to be on his best behavior while dating, but you must see beyond that.
You may never see that side until you start living with that person.
That’s why you shouldn’t judge based on appearance alone, so you don’t get disappointed when reality sets in.
We manage stress differently.
When some people are going through stress, they shut out people entirely because they want to deal with their issues all by themselves.
You may notice that your once lively man becomes very moody, and all attempt to snap him out proves abortive.
You’ve never seen him this way while dating, so it might come off to you as him changing.
It can be frustrating because it feels like a transfer of aggression.
Meanwhile, that’s how best he knows to process his feelings.
It will help if you have an honest conversation with him, as he might not know the impact of his actions on you.
Couples need to understand that there’s now someone in the picture who is always at the receiving end of their actions.
5. Perceived Disrespect
It’s important to note that men are sensitive beings.
Most times, they don’t let their guard down.
A man can change if he perceives that he’s being disrespected.
Have you ever been in a situation where you made a seemingly good decision that could even be in the family’s interest, and your husband perceived it as disrespectful, probably because of how you went about it?
Respect is a big deal to men, and every man has his definition of respect and disrespect.
They quickly sense any disrespect, and their response to it is sometimes anger and silent treatment.
When a man feels disrespected, he could change his behavior to set you straight.
This is why every woman should understand her man.
When it comes to marriage, mutual respect, and understanding is key.
6. Financial factor
Money they say, changes people.
The presence or its absence could change an individual.
For example, when some men have money, they change totally.
I mean, some of them start keeping late nights, hanging out with friends.
They may start neglecting their wives, which wasn’t what they were previously doing.
On the other hand, the lack of it could also make them change.
No one enjoys being broke.
However, when some men don’t have money, they get drowned in this reality and start acting strangely.
They end up taking out their frustration on people close to them, especially their wives.
The ability to handle the presence or lack of money properly is essential for a man.
7. Peer pressure
The quote, “Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are,” is true.
Some men changed from being good husbands to becoming a stranger because of the friends in their lives.
For example, a man who wasn’t a night crawler before now started staying out with friends to have a drink and get home late at night.
Some men stopped showing care and affection for their wives because they saw how their friends spoke about and treated their wives.
It has affected so many men.
Their friends have so much more influence on them than their wives.
8. Family influences
Some changes in marriage came by as a result of family infiltrations.
When they don’t like the woman their son is married to or probably get offended by her actions, they could stir up strife between them by planting the seed of discord in the man’s heart.
And unfortunately, some men are so attached to their extended family that they don’t know where to draw the line and defend their wives.
For instance, when a mother-in-law keeps saying not-so-pleasant things about his wife, a man could start acting on these words and reacting negatively to his wife.
9. Knowledge upgrade
Some husbands changed because of some seeming knowledge they acquired.
For example, if a man listens to a podcast or watches a TV show that emphasizes that a man should always “be a man” and not allow his wife “order him around” or that as a man, he shouldn’t be handling house chores.
He could gradually start tilting towards that ideology and acting it out in the home.
The Internet is full of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and when people don’t sieve through what they expose themselves to, they can pick up the bad and embrace it as the best option.
Positive changes in marriage.
At this juncture, I’d like to say that many positive changes can happen to a man after marriage.
(a) Became more loving and affectionate towards their wife after marriage.
Probably because of their backgrounds, some single men didn’t know how to express love and care towards a woman genuinely.
They saw it as a sign of weakness, but after marriage, their ideology changed, and they became more open to giving and receiving love.
(b) Stopped being promiscuous
Marriage has changed some men from being a woman chaser to a man who respects and wouldn’t cheat on his wife.
Upon realizing the jewel in their wives, some men abandoned their philandering ways.
They learned to love and honor their wives above all else.
As humans, it’s just natural that we change.
These changes can either be positive or negative.
However, we should embrace positive changes, especially if we desire a blissful home free of contention.
As a man, if you observe certain attitudes in your wife that could want to make you change towards her, it’s better to embrace open and honest conversations so that your relationship can improve.