I have always been a loud advocate of marrying your friend.
It has never made sense to me when some people say they can’t marry their friends.
Like… who do you want to marry?
A stranger?
Your enemy??
Marrying your friend may be the best decision you will ever make.
However, it gets worrisome when it begins to feel like you and your partner are just friends and nothing more.
It wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if you were friends with your partner as well as lovers.
People with the best kind of marriage usually consider their partners to be their best friends and lovers.
Is it normal when your marriage feels just like friendship and nothing more?
No, it’s not.
Friendship is great, but there are other things that are needed to make a marriage successful.
Things like passion and intimacy, both physical and emotional, are necessary for a great marriage.
When are lacking, you may begin to feel like something is missing in your marriage.
If you are already feeling like something is missing in your marriage, there are certain signs you need to look out for, although they are easy to miss most times.
In this article, we will also explore these signs and the things you can do to bring back the fire and passion in your marriage.
8 Easy To Miss Signs Your Marriage Has Become Platonic
1. You don’t go on dates anymore
This is a regular occurrence among couples who have been married for many years.
They get to that point where they feel so comfortable with each other.
At this point, most couples stop making an effort in their relationship.
It is great that you feel comfortable with your partner, but any form of comfort that stops you from improving your relationship is a snare you should avoid.
Most couples no longer make an effort to be romantic in their marriage because they have become so comfortable with their partners.
Romance is a key aspect of marriage that should never be overlooked.
Having spontaneous activities with your partner—like going on lunch or dinner dates, seeing a movie, or just taking a long walk in the evening to talk and spend time together—will help you build your bond in the relationship.
However, if you notice that you no longer do any of these, it is a sign that the romantic aspect of your marriage has gone, and all you have is a comfortable friendship with your spouse.
2. You feel awkward calling yourselves pet names
Another sign that your marriage is becoming platonic is the awkwardness of calling your partner sweet names like “baby,” “sweetheart,” “darling,” “love,” and “honey,” to mention just a few.
You may feel that they sound unnatural coming off your lips, or you may just prefer to refer to your partner by their name.
Feeling this way shows that you may have stopped viewing them this way and perhaps now think of your partner as a friend.
It gets even worse when you start referring to your partner as “dude,” “bro,” “man,” and “big head.”
It is a sign that you are really comfortable with your partner as if you are friends.
This is a major sign that your marriage is probably becoming platonic.
However, you shouldn’t base your conclusion on this.
There are many other reasons why your partner may not feel comfortable calling you pet names, and foremost among them is their kind of family background.
If your partner is from a family that doesn’t express emotions easily, they may have issues with calling you pet names.
3. Little or no expectations from each other
In marriage, couples always have expectations of each other.
It is a sign of commitment and devotion to the relationship.
However, if your marriage is becoming platonic, you may discover that you and your partner have little or no expectations from each other.
This is a dangerous situation because it signifies there is a low level of devotion and commitment to the marriage.
As much as I advise couples to have reasonable and realistic expectations of each other, having no expectations from your spouse is a sorry state of affairs and a major sign that your marriage is becoming platonic.
4. You find public display of affection awkward
I must start this with a disclaimer… not everyone is a fan of public displays of affection.
I know this because I don’t like public displays of affection.
However, when couples are in love, there are some forms of public display of affection that they engage in that everyone would love.
Possessive gestures like holding hands in public, those occasional touches to remind your partner of how much you can’t keep your hands off them, the deep gaze into the eyes of your partner?
All these are public displays of affection that everyone who is in love engages in.
If you begin to feel awkward doing any of these in public, it is a sign that you and your partner are beginning to consider each other as just friends.
5. No jealousy
Contrary to popular opinion, jealousy ( at least a little bit of it) is not bad for a relationship.
In fact, it is a sign that married couples are still very much in love with each other.
A major sign your marriage is becoming platonic is that you can’t seem to awaken any form of jealousy in your partner.
You and your partner go to a social event together, and a guy there makes advances at you, dropping lines that show he doesn’t have innocent intentions towards you, but all your partner does is ignore it or act amused by it all.
It is a sign that your marriage is becoming platonic.
This is how friends relate to each other.
It reminds me of how amused I get when I go out with my female friends and some guy tries to woo them.
It is alright for friends to feel this way, but when it happens in a romantic relationship, it is a sign that the relationship is becoming platonic.
6. The total absence of passion
It may be a little romantic to expect the passion in marriage to continue to burn as bright as it did in the beginning.
It is normal for the passion to dim a little bit in a marriage as time passes.
However, if your marriage has reached the point where there is no sign of passion, it is a sign that it is becoming platonic.
A marriage without passion is like making soup without adding spices.
It will have a bland taste.
This is usually peculiar to parents, so many couples tend to lose the intentionality in their relationships when the children come.
They are so absorbed in child care and parenting that they forget to be lovers.
They may have no pending conflict in this case, but their lives have settled into a dull monotone that only screams, “The children!”
Even when they are alone without the children, they find it hard to connect as lovers because they have lost the romantic element in their relationship.
If your marriage has taken on that blandness that makes it look like you are living with an acquaintance, it is a sign that your marriage is becoming platonic.
7. You are unsure about your feelings for your partner
One of the most painful breakup experiences I have ever had was being told by my girlfriend that she wasn’t sure how she felt about me anymore.
She said she had started thinking of me as a brother and whenever she said she loved me, she always added “as a brother” in her head.
Lord, I was so pained.
I tried to get that relationship back on track, but at some point, I just had to accept that the relationship was over.
A sign that your marriage is becoming platonic is the fact that you don’t know what you feel for them anymore.
One part of you loves them, but you also know that the feelings they awaken in you are not the type you have for a lover.
8. Sex has now become a casual experience
People in platonic marriages also have sex too.
The only difference is that while other couples make love, couples in a platonic marriage make babies.
The entire goal of having sex for them is to fulfill their obligations to each other.
Sex becomes a casual experience that they are involved in without much passion or emotions attached.
This is a sign that your marriage is becoming platonic.
If you have read this article to this point and checked all the boxes, you are probably now pondering what you can do to infuse some passion into your marriage once again.
Here’s what to do when your marriage becomes platonic
What To Do To Infuse Passion Into Your Marriage
1. Don’t panic
The reaction of many people to the fact that their spouses consider them as just friends could be panic.
However, you need to avoid panicking because it clouds the mind.
The fact that your marriage feels like just a friendship is not the end of the line.
You can still do something to turn things around.
2. Communicate with your partner
Don’t just jump into spontaneous dates and public displays of affection without discussing it with your partner.
Your partner must be aware of your observations and ready to work with you to make the marriage work.
Talk to your partner honestly about things and find ways to fix your marriage.
The fact that platonic marriages are basically peaceful usually lures couples into thinking that all is well with the marriage.
All isn’t well with a platonic marriage, and you need to fix it before things get even worse.
3. Go on spontaneous dates
Remember the days before you got married?
How you all were so spontaneous about going on dates and getting each other thoughtful gifts?
Remember them?
Good, don’t just remember them; bring those days back.
Take the initiative and organize romantic dates.
Spend quality time together as couples, not as friends.
4. Turn up the heat in the other room
The other room is Nigerian slang for the bedroom.
Turn up the heat in the bedroom or anywhere else in the house so that you can have sex comfortably.
Sometimes, waiting till you get to the bedroom may dull the ardor.
Be flexible about it.
But please note that increased sexual intimacy with your partner will help turn the tides of your relationship.
And please, make love.
Don’t just have sex.
5. Go on a vacation together
Do you want to improve your relationship with your partner?
Maybe you could consider going on a trip together.
You could spend the weekend at an exotic hotel or a beach resort.
Take time away from the children and the hustle and bustle of life.
Whatever you decide to do, the major aim is to take time off together and enjoy a different atmosphere.
It will do your marriage a lot of good if it is done the right way and without the drama in the movie “The Family Plan.”
Ultimately, doing all these will help your marriage transition from platonic to romantic again.
Turning the tides of your relationship requires determination and patience.
You may need to see a marriage counselor to guide you and your partner through these difficult times.