10 Heartbreaking Signs You And Your Husband Have Grown Apart

I’m one of the people who always advocates for people of like minds getting married.

I do not believe in the “unlike charges attracts” philosophy, at least not in the areas of values and core beliefs.

I believe that people should be like-minded to get married if they want a solid union.

But the truth is that sometimes “life be just lifing”, and even when people who are perfectly aligned get married, they may begin to drift apart for some reason along the line.

This is the painful reality that confronts many marriages: couples growing apart, almost becoming like strangers.

While this is a dangerous situation for a marriage, it doesn’t have to be the end of that marriage.

I believe that identifying the signs that you and your husband have or are growing apart is essential to helping you know what to do about it.

You need to know if you should intervene or take other steps regarding the marriage, so let’s examine some signs that indicate that you and your husband have grown apart.

10 Heartbreaking Signs You And Your Husband Have Grown Apart

1. Your marriage feels like a trapSigns you and your husband have grown apart

At no point or time is a marriage meant to feel like a cage because that’s not what it was designed to be.

Once that begins to happen, you or your husband feel trapped in the marriage; it is indicative of something, and it could be that you have both grown apart.

You no longer find each other relatable, and your marriage feels like a prison.

Perhaps you both just haven’t found the courage to go your separate ways, but in reality, nothing connects you anymore.

It’s a sad place for any couple, and if you’re experiencing it with your husband, it calls for urgent attention.

2. Communication becomes foreign to you

The absence of healthy communication is one of the primary things that lead to couples growing apart.

But it is not only a cause; it is also a consequence.

When couples have grown apart, you will observe that their communication is bad or nonexistent.

If you and your husband no longer talk – and I mean talking in every sense of the word: discussing, gisting, serious conversations, funny banters, hard conversations, etc. – something is wrong.

Communication has become foreign to you both because you can no longer relate to each other.

You do not have many common grounds, so there’s almost nothing to discuss.

Perhaps one or both of you are now seeking validation from people outside your marriage; you confide in them and seek emotional support from people other than your partner.

3. You argue a lotSigns you and your husband have grown apart

Arguments may be normal in every relationship, but when they become excessive or become the order of the day, you should be concerned.

Frequent arguments are signs that you and your husband have grown apart.

Little things quickly become an issue, and there’s always a fight about something you said wrong or something he said wrong.

Blame games become your best friend because nobody wants to take responsibility for their contributions to the issues in the marriage.

Sometimes, this can get bad, I’m telling you.

It can get as bad as building up into resentment and anger to the point where you both can’t stand each other‘s presence anymore.

It shows that you’re no longer thinking in the same direction; there’s been a divide between you both.

The things that used to unite you no longer exist.

4. You stop arguing

One way I know I’ve mentally checked out of a relationship is when I no longer feel the need to communicate my reservations or argue with the person.

When we get to this point, for me and many other people, it shows our emotional disengagement from that relationship and that we’re no longer on the same frequency with a person.

So, while sometimes growing apart may manifest in passive-aggressive behavior or arguments, other times it manifests as silence.

You may just observe that, strangely, you and your husband are no longer fighting anymore.

On the surface, that looks like a great thing until you dig deeper and see that it is because you both do not care and you’re emotionally detached from each other.

Rather than addressing issues or conflicts in the marriage, you and your husband avoid confrontation and sweep problems under the rug.

That is a very bad sign.

5. Your views about life are differentSigns you and your husband have grown apart

Maybe you used to believe in integrity, loyalty, and some other values as a couple, but all of a sudden, your husband is now saying things and acting in ways that do not reflect those values.

This may not be the exact example in your case; it can be anything.

Any major alteration in your views about the important things in life can signify that you have grown apart.

When the difference in views is about random and unimportant things, it may not matter much.

But when they involve major life issues like values, parenting styles, goals for the future, financial behavior or mindsets, and so on, that’s something serious you have on your hands.

I once lived close to a couple who used to argue a lot, and the bone of contention was religion.

They both belonged to the same faith initially, but the husband converted to another religion and wanted their young child to follow suit.

The wife wasn’t having it and wouldn’t bend to his demand.

This argument went on for a very long time until they agreed to get a divorce.

If your mindset has made you and your husband two polar opposites, it is a sign that you have grown apart.

6. Independent living

Being married yet living like a single is a strong sign of disconnection.

And no, I’m not saying you should lose your individuality or sacrifice it at the altar of marriage.

I am saying that when people get married, they are expected to be united and have aligned goals.

If one of you is feeling lonely in the marriage, or you now have different priorities and lead a life as though the other person does not exist, it could either mean there’s been a major fight, or you have grown apart.

Your marriage should never get to the point where either of you prioritizes your personal comfort over the progress and happiness in your union.

It should never be that you or your husband’s opinions and feelings are being disregarded.

If this ever happens, something is definitely wrong, and you have likely grown apart.

7. No quality timeSigns you and your husband have grown apart

You know you and your husband have grown apart when you can’t stand each other’s presence or don’t spend time together anymore.

I consider myself an ambivert who tilts more towards the introverted side so I love being by myself a lot.

However, even when I’m in this element, when I meet people who are like-minded with me or who are dear to me, I spend quality time with them.

I love my space, but I still create time when necessary to be with people who matter.

Of course, I wouldn’t care to do this for people I don’t consider relatable or essential to my life.

In a healthy situation, couples love to spend time together because there’s much to discuss and many activities to catch up on.

But if they’re no longer like-minded or they’re growing apart, one of the first things that will happen is a decline in the time they spend together.

If you and your husband rarely spend quality time together, or when you do, it feels forced or awkward, that could be a sign that you’ve grown apart.

There are no mutual interests or hobbies anymore.

8. You feel like strangers

This is one of the major signs seen in couples that have grown apart.

You may have observed that there is no longer any friendship, emotional connection, or union between you and your husband.

You’re now more or less flatmates, and you only talk when it’s entirely necessary.

The friendship aspect of your relationship has deteriorated, and there is a noticeable emotional distance between you two.

When this happens, there are so many ways things can get worse.

One of the most striking that I’ve observed in many couples in this situation is the subtle introduction of lies and secrecy.

Couples in this situation usually stop being transparent and keep secrets from each other.

They do this either to avoid confrontation or because they simply don’t care anymore.

It’s a very bad place for a marriage to be in.

9. Decreased intimacySigns you and your husband have grown apart

If you can’t remember the last time you and your husband had sex, especially if you’re a young couple or still in your prime, you need to identify why.

Sex is not all there is to a marriage, but it’s a huge part of it.

Apart from the pleasure and satisfaction couples derive from it, it shows that they share a bond and are attracted to each other, and it also helps them connect.

When physical intimacy, such as cuddling, kissing, or sexual activity, has significantly decreased or becomes non-existent, it can be an indication of something deeper going on – drifting apart.

10. Fantasizing about separationSigns you and your husband have grown apart

You know for sure that if you or your husband are toying with the idea of divorce, separation, or living alone, it means that something fundamental has gone wrong.

Those thoughts are coming because you two have been divided emotionally, mentally, or otherwise.

My mum once told me that many challenges can confront a marriage, but one day, either of you wishes or begins to fantasize about being out of that marriage. That’s an SOS; it calls for urgent attention.

Unfortunately, this has become almost the norm for some couples.

If you’re experiencing this, chances are high that you and your husband are no longer united mentally and in other ways.

Growing apart is something that can happen to any couple if they let it because life is constantly evolving and happening.

It’s so easy to fall into a routine and get consumed in your own thing only to wake up one day and you can’t recognize each other.

No marriage deserves to end like this, but even if you’re already at a point where you can relate to one or most of these signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is irreparable.

It just means that you need to take action regarding the situation, and it will require the joint participation of you and your husband.

With willingness from you and your husband, open communication, counseling, and therapy, you can reconnect and rebuild your relationship.

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