I know that marriage is a crucial step, a commitment not to be taken lightly.
Unfortunately, some people jump headfirst into this lifelong adventure only to find that they’ve overlooked crucial questions and considerations.
But don’t worry, that’s why I’m here.
Here are thirteen questions you absolutely must answer honestly before tying the knot:
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Sincerely Answer These 13 Questions
1: Do You Share the Same Values?
This is probably the most crucial question you can ever ask yourself before marrying someone.
This is because values are the compass guiding our life choices, and when two people share a life, it’s crucial to have that compass pointing in the same direction.
Do you agree on the kind of family you want to raise?
How do your beliefs regarding faith and spirituality align?
What are each of your career goals and earning potentials?
And finally, what kind of lifestyle do you want to live?
Where will you live, how often will you travel, etc.?
These are all important questions you should ask yourself before saying, ‘I do.’
Because if your values don’t align, it’s likely that your marriage won’t last.
2: Can You Communicate Openly and Honestly?
I know you’ve heard or read a million times that communication is the backbone of any successful relationship.
Can you share your deepest fears and wildest dreams with them, and vice versa?
If you’re hesitant to bring up sensitive topics or scared of their reaction, this could be a sign that you’re not ready to get hitched.
Because, how will you have a successful union if you can’t even communicate?
Eish!
3: How Do You Handle Conflict?
When we are in love, we can’t imagine having any sort of disagreement with our partner.
But the reality is that no matter how much you love each other, conflicts will arise, and how you handle them is key.
Do you argue in a way that respects each other, or do things escalate quickly?
Can you discuss issues without taking it personally or spiraling into an emotionally-charged argument?
Do you both have the same end goal—finding a solution?
If you can’t disagree without resorting to insults, shouting matches, or silent treatment, just imagine what your marriage would be like.
4: Are You Financially Compatible?
I won’t lie to you; marriage is expensive!
From bills and mortgages to vacations and presents, there’s a lot of money involved, so it’s important to consider whether or not you are financially compatible with your partner.
Do you both have similar financial goals?
What are our views on spending, saving, and debt?
Will you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or a bit of both?
Does one of you hope to retire early while the other dreams of a luxury lifestyle?
Hash out these details now to prevent money misunderstandings later.
Because financial issues are one of the most common causes of strife in a marriage, so you have to be sure about this point.
5: How Do You Both Feel About Kids?
It’s funny how many couples marry without discussing whether they want kids or how many.
They get married, and then one partner wants a dozen children while the other is preparing to undergo a vasectomy.
This is why it’s important to talk about your hopes and expectations for children before you tie the knot.
What are your views on parenting, adoption, working mothers, and discipline?
These conversations may be uncomfortable, but they will help you better understand each other’s expectations of parenthood.
6: How Do You Handle Stress Together?
Life isn’t always a beach vacation.
Jobs, finances, health, and family stressors are inevitable.
Observe how your partner reacts to stress and how you face it together.
Can you lean on each other during tough times, or does stress pull you apart?
7: Are You Truly Friends?
See, beneath the passion and romance, the person you marry should be your best friend.
You should be able to laugh, share secrets, and enjoy each other’s company, even when the sparks aren’t flying.
Explore your friendship, and make sure it’s strong enough to sustain a relationship through good times and bad.
Because it is not always a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
8: Can You Be Alone Together?
I know communication is key to any healthy relationship, but sometimes, it’s important to be together without talking.
Do you have the comfort level just to enjoy each other’s company in silence?
Can you be alone with your partner and feel content knowing that he or she loves you, even if there isn’t a need for conversation?
Can you enjoy each other’s company without needing constant conversation or entertainment?
If you can be comfortable in silence, it’s a good sign you’ve found a level of comfort and connection that can sustain a lifelong marriage.
9: Can You Handle Each Other’s Families?
When you marry someone, you marry their family too.
You may not always see eye to eye, but can you handle holidays, disagreements, and crises together?
If family gatherings leave you wanting to tear your hair out, you need to think well.
Do you both have a good relationship with your families that can sustain time to come or are there issues that could tear apart the union?
10: Do You Like Each Other As You Are?
It’s a myth that you can change your partner after marriage.
Have you been able to change yourself or your habits?
What makes you think that you can change your partner’s behavior?
So, take a long, honest look at your partner, warts and all.
Can you accept their imperfections, quirks, and all those little things that make them who they are?
Love isn’t about finding a perfect person but about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
11: Do You Have Fun Together?
Laughter is one of the most important things that make relationships work.
Do you have fun together?
Can you laugh with each other, even during tough times, and handle dark moments without taking them too seriously?
Are you able to appreciate each other’s unique sense of humor, or do you find yourself not understanding jokes made by your partner?
Do you both value the same sense of playfulness and enjoyment when it comes to spending time together?
If not, your relationship might not have enough room for fun and joy.
12: Do You Trust Each Other Completely?
Do you feel secure in your partner’s love, fidelity, and decision-making?
Do they trust you the same way?
Without trust, you’ll find yourselves living in constant doubt and insecurity.
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it, but it won’t go anywhere.
13: Are You Equally Committed to the Relationship?
Do you both see your relationship as something that you are willing to work on and nurture or is it something that you’d rather take for granted?
If one of you is constantly investing time and effort while the other person is not reciprocating, then your relationship will soon become unbalanced.
If you have a one-sided relationship now, you are likely to have a one-sided marriage later.
So, ask yourself these thirteen questions to assess if you’re ready for marriage.
It’s perfectly fine if you can’t answer all of these questions right away.
Take your time, keep the lines of communication open, and make sure you’re entering marriage with your eyes wide open.
I wish you all the best!