Marriage is that institution where love and hate can cohabit. Lol!
Follow me please… I’ll explain.
It is possible to love your husband so much initially, only to later resent the same man you loved like kilode! (Meaning you love someone so much that it is amazing).
I can relate to what this feels like, and while I’m out of the woods, I’d like to share reasons wives resent their husbands.
Please read on.
10 Reasons Wives Resent Their Husbands
1. Low self esteem
This was very much up my alley.
I got married a very insecure young lady and I got pregnant a month after our wedding.
This happened despite our plans to wait a year to have children.
It rocked my world because all I wanted at the time was to get a job and start earning some cool cash.
Getting a job during pregnancy was hard, and it was even harder because we moved to a new city, so I automatically became a stay-at-home wife.
Even though I was constantly trying out businesses and, getting my fingers burnt, and overworking myself volunteering in different roles and capacities, I still felt unfulfilled and unhappy.
While I was struggling, my husband was flying and making giant strides in his career.
I was happy for him, but I also resented him because he had everything I wanted but didn’t have.
This is my story; I loved my husband but resented him because of my low self-esteem and all the past baggage I came into the marriage with.
Years after, I have grown and healed from my past.
I no longer define myself by what I have or do not have or the expectations of others.
The value I see in myself is evident to all who encounter me, and I am my husband’s truest and loudest cheerleader!
Sometimes, when we consider why a woman resents her husband, we may think that it has to be his fault, but that’s not true.
A woman can feel the way she feels about her husband, and it may have nothing to do with him but everything to do with her like in my case.
2. Neglect
A woman who is neglected can fast become a very bitter woman.
The truth is that one should not be lonely in marriage but sadly, this phenomenon happens.
Some women are thrown to the back burner and not prioritized by their men, and it hurts.
Gradually, the pain may metamorphose into anger and resentment for their husbands.
Similarly, some husbands are too much of a workaholic that they have made their laptops or phones their “side chicks.”
Neglect is an even more painful reality when your husband is present physically, yet absent from you.
If this situation persists, the wife may begin to resent her husband.
3. Emotional or physical abuse
I don’t understand how a person can intentionally hurt someone he claims to love.
Physical and every other form of abuse is senseless!
A husband who is in the habit of abusing his wife can’t expect to get the Husband of the Year award na!
While his wife may still be doing his bidding or tolerating his monstrous behavior, with every abuse the love she has for him will be snuffed out of her.
In its place will be resentment.
This isn’t even far-fetched at all, as we’ve read and heard stories of women who hated their abusive husbands so much that they murdered them in cold blood.
4. Cheating
Cheating in marriage is a coldhearted betrayal!
When a man you love wholeheartedly cheats on you, it can deconstruct the design of the most loving woman.
It is even worse if the cheating is a continuous occurrence or when he cares nothing for your feelings and does it so brazenly.
Ah! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
She will start resenting her husband.
5. Uncontrolled external influences in the marriage
When a woman is subjected to lone battles against external influences while her husband sits duck and watches, she may start resenting him.
This scenario happens more in cultural settings where the man is tied to his mother’s apron strings and his wife is harassed and maltreated.
Sometimes, it is the family that ill treats his wife.
The woman will be hurt that her husband, who is supposed to be her protector, throws her under the bus or watches as this happens.
The hurt she feels at her husband’s passivity may eventually give way to resentment.
6. Unresolved conflict
I recently read an online story about a woman who wanted to relocate but whose husband didn’t support her.
They had argued it back and forth but could find no middle ground.
She needed her husband’s agreement to make the move, but he was adamant.
Guess what?
She became resentful.
It opened a whole new can of worms in her marriage and may very well lead to the end of the marriage if there is no quick intervention.
This is how serious unresolved conflict can be in marriage.
IT can lead to resentment if an agreeable resolution cannot be reached.
7. Unmet expectations and Intimacy issues
We all have individual expectations of life and even marriage.
In a situation where the expectation is consistently dashed to the ground, resentment can start building up.
Similarly, intimacy is a pillar of marriage.
Without intimacy, the marriage is at best a neighborly partnership.
If the wife is unsatisfied in the “Oza room” she may become hateful and start resenting her husband.
“So long as the bed shakes regularly, the home is at peace” – Chinua Achebe.
8. Lack of support
I have seen over worked wives bent over from the fatigue of caring for the home, children, and showing up at their work.
Women who have to do everything by themselves alone without help or support get to deal with a lot of negative feelings.
It is even worse if the husband is unappreciative or critical.
No one wants to have to deal with a liability.
When push comes to shove, her initial love and respect for her man may fizzle out and be replaced by resentment.
9. Infertility challenges
This is a very sensitive issue in marriage, particularly on the female gender.
Dealing with infertility comes with a lot of challenges especially for the woman.
Some women may start feeling resentful towards their husband during this process.
10. Financial struggles
Finances are a hegemon in marriage.
Some people think it is overrated, but I beg to disagree.
Yes, they say that love is never enough and I couldn’t but agree.
One of the reasons love may not be never be enough is money.
Love won’t pay the bills or feed the family.
This is another reason a woman may resent her husband.
If they have having financial issues and the man is not pulling his weight, or he wastes her money on gambling, or on his lust, she may start hating him.
Having to constantly pick up the mess of a grown man is a lot of stress!
Especially if he is unrepentant or has an habit of making bad choices that throws the family into a deeper chasm of financial bondage despite the woman’s hard work.
She’ll resent him with everything in her.