Is it possible for a sexless marriage to work?
Why do men stay in a sexless marriage?
How do they cope with the situation?
These are a few of the questions that have been coming up in recent times as touching sexual intimacy in marriage.
Sex is the engine that keeps the marriage running.
It provides the privilege for couples to relate with each other more intimately.
It’s an avenue for them to enjoy each other unreservedly.
A sexless marriage is one where there is little or no sexual activity between couples.
It has been observed that sex and intimacy seem to have taken a back seat in so many marriages today.
Some couples now go as far as weeks to months without getting intimate.
Though people from afar see them as being happy, they are more like housemates in their homes.
According to scientific research, men tend to have sexual desires more than women.
And so, they tend to demand sex from their wives more.
Many men have complained of being denied sex by their wives.
Some go as far as sending anonymous messages online to seek counsel on what to do, while others have decided to keep mum as they carry their cross.
But really, why would a man stay in a marriage where he’s being denied his conjugal right?
Well, the following could be the reason behind such a decision;
10 Reasons Men Stay In A Sexless Marriage
1. They cherish the emotional connection
Sex is beautiful. Yeah! Great sex is.
However, that is not all that is to marriage.
Before deciding to embark on a journey to forever with someone, you should consider the connection you share.
Do you know that feeling where your heart yearns for that one person? Yeah, that’s it!
It goes beyond the physical attraction.
It is that warmth assurance of “this person belongs to me.”
This is one factor that can sustain a marriage.
Some men stay in a sexless marriage because they cherish this emotional intimacy over the sex.
They have built their lives around that woman, and they know they can’t find such a connection with another woman elsewhere.
They cherish what they share and are ready to keep it going forever.
2. They have low libido
Minimized sexual desires, thoughts, and fantasies characterize a low sex drive.
While it is true that men tend to have a higher libido than women, some men have low libido.
No man is ever sexually active throughout their adult life.
The desire for sex wanes as they age, but of course, not as much as we have it in women.
That said, some men naturally have low libido.
They could go for a long time without being desirous of sex.
Their interest in sex is just once in a while.
These men are unbothered that his wife is not sexually active, too.
And he continues with the marriage without considering divorce.
It just means he has met his match.
3. They are hoping for improvement
This is one reason why some men stay in a sexless marriage.
Even though they aren’t happy with the constant denials they are getting from their wives yet, they aren’t willing to end the marriage.
Instead, they are seeking help by having sessions with sex therapists and counselors.
And they are willing to stay until their wives improve their sex game.
4. They stay because of children
The presence of children in a home determines a whole lot of things.
As a couple, you can’t make any decision that seems right to you without considering the consequence on the children, especially if you cherish them and their future.
A man could decide to stay in a sexless marriage because he doesn’t want his children raised without his active involvement.
He wants him and his wife to be present physically and emotionally for the children; hence, he is ready to sacrifice his desire.
It is not easy, especially if he has a high sex drive.
But he has decided to put the well-being of his children first, and he can put every other desire on hold.
5. The commitment they share
Commitment is that factor that makes partners keep choosing each other, come what may.
It is that desire to make things work no matter how hard things may be.
Some men stay in a sexless marriage because of the commitment they share with their partner.
They can’t imagine cheating on their wives or even making moves to divorce.
Their sense of commitment is what makes them stay.
6. They get their desires met elsewhere
One of the leading causes of infidelity is as a result of a sexless marriage.
I was in a media space where some men who cheated on their wives admitted that they did because their wives denied them sex.
They resorted to having extramarital affairs when nothing changed.
This is not to make any excuse for their actions, but some men decide to stay in a sexless marriage because they have other ways of getting their sexual needs met outside the home.
7. Their religious stance
Some religious organizations frown at divorce for any reason.
They believe there is no room for divorce regardless of the situation or circumstance, and married couples must continually seek ways to resolve their differences.
A man who belongs here can’t consider divorce.
He’d rather stay in the sexless marriage forever, hoping and praying that the wife changes and gives in to his demands.
8. The fear of loneliness
Loneliness is real!
If an unmarried adult could feel so lonely, how much more someone who was once married and got divorced?
Getting a divorce and starting a journey of singleness is not easy.
It can be draining. It could mess with the individual’s physical and mental health.
This is why some men would instead stick to being in a sexless marriage than divorce.
9. The fear of unknown
In my local vocabulary, a parable says, “The devil you know today is better than an angel you are yet to meet.”
The grass is not always green on the other side.
Some men choose to stay because they are afraid that what they are experiencing now may still reoccur in the subsequent marriage if they decide to divorce and consider marriage to another woman.
10. They love their wives
Believe it or not, some men stay in a sexless marriage because they love their wives.
It is possible their present circumstance was caused by factors beyond his control, like illness, postpartum depression, or even distance due to relocation.
A man who loves his wife might decide to endure until the tide passes and they are back on track.
This is rare, but it does happen.
Conclusion
A Sexless marriage can be emotionally and mentally draining.
Couples need to look out for the interest of each other in marriage.
More importantly, they should be open to seeking professional help where and when required.