“I Want To Be Celibate But My Boyfriend Doesn’t, What Do I Do?”
At the beginning of my relationship, one of the things my partner and I established and agreed on was that sex would not be involved in our relationship until we got married.
Because this was a mutual agreement, it has been easy to stick to the plan.
When it gets difficult to abstain, we remind each other of our commitment, decision, and the reason for it.
It would have been difficult for me to maintain my journey of celibacy and abstinence if I want to be celibate, but my boyfriend doesn’t.
These things are easier when both parties are on the same page.
It can be quite tough when your mindset and desire regarding something as important as celibacy are different from your partner’s.
If you are in this situation, here is the best way to go about it.
I Want To Be Celibate But My Boyfriend Doesn’t, What Do I Do?
1. Go Back To Your “Why”
The first thing you need to do if you want to be celibate but your boyfriend doesn’t, is to go back to your reason for desiring celibacy.
There are several reasons why people decide to become celibate.
While some people choose celibacy because they have never had sex before and desire to remain virgins until they are married, that is not always the case.
You can choose to be celibate at any point in your life, regardless of how many previous sexual partners or encounters you have had.
The most important thing is doing it for the right reasons and understanding what your reasons are.
Some people become celibate for religious reasons and to stay true to their beliefs; others do so because it is the lifestyle that they have chosen.
Below are a few reasons why people choose to become celibate:
- I) Spiritual Or Religious Reasons: This is one of the most common reasons people choose to become celibate. Their religious practice and beliefs admonish them to stay pure by abstaining from extramarital and premarital sex. Purity is a great way to connect with God; thus, it is no surprise that many religious people choose this path.
- II) Personal Values: People can choose celibacy entirely due to personal reasons.
It can be due to their values or personal beliefs. - III) Traumatic Experiences: Some people have had negative sexual experiences, and this has made them choose not to have sex anytime soon.
- IV) Health reasons: The state of an individual’s health can be a reason for them to abstain from sex. Sex may be difficult or almost impossible for them as a result of their health condition, so they choose to become celibate.
- V) Religious or Cultural Obligations: Deciding to become celibate can be a result of a requirement or a demand placed on an individual due to their religious or cultural status. It can also be the sacrifice for their lifestyle or career path, e.g., becoming a monk or a nun.
- VI) Self-discovery: The decision to become celibate can be part of a journey of personal growth and discovery.
- VII) No sex drive: Some people are asexual or lack the desire for sex due to one reason or another and decide to just remain celibate.
These are some of the reasons why people practice celibacy.
It is important to know your own reason and how important it is to you.
This will help you know if there is a possibility of reaching a compromise with your boyfriend.
Or if there is no possibility of changing your mind.
2. Communicate With Him
Although this is a challenging situation to be in, you must understand that neither of you is necessarily wrong for having your individual desires.
Be open enough to talk about it with your partner.
Have an honest and open conversation about it.
Let them know your reasons for choosing celibacy and how you feel about it all.
Explain that you still love and care for them despite this difference in opinion.
Be willing to listen to their thoughts and opinions as well so that you can better understand how they feel.
You both have a right to your own beliefs and should be respected by each other.
This is an important step to take because it will further take you and your partner on a journey of discovering yourselves and your values and vetting to see if you align with your mindset and thinking pattern.
This will help you both come to a place of better recognition and understanding.
3. Let Him Speak
Communication should never be one-sided.
While you may have a lot to say and have strong reasons, it is important to consider your partner’s feelings and thoughts as well.
Listen to him speak and try to understand from his point of view.
This will help you know how he thinks and what he wants.
You will discover if he actually sees reasons with you but just has different desires.
Or if he does not care about your values or fears and just wants the sex.
This conversation will be revealing and enlightening and will help you draw informed conclusions and make the right decision.
4. Reach A Compromise
You and your partner can now talk about the possibility of a compromise.
This can come in many different ways;
You can both agree to get married in a not-so-distant time if marriage was in the plan and you do not want to have sex before marriage.
Another way to compromise is for him to respect your reasons and to find other non-sexual ways to be intimate in the interim.
However you decide to compromise, you must understand that sex is a big deal and should never be something you feel pressured or forced to do.
It also should not be something you do out of pity for your partner.
5. Respect Each Other’s Decisions
At the end of the day, as much as you both are in a relationship at this moment, you are still different individuals and are allowed to desire different things.
You both have rights to your own bodies and should not be made to do things you do not want to do.
Understanding this should help you both have civil and respectful conversations about it.
If your boyfriend does not understand this, then it may be a red flag.
6. Seek Help
You can seek professional help if you and your partner are finding it difficult to reach a compromise or have productive communication.
A counselor or a therapist can help you both understand each other better.
This can help clear any misunderstandings and create a better understanding between the two of you.
They can also provide a trusted third-party opinion if you are struggling to make decisions.
Having an unbiased party in your corner can help you both find common ground and work towards a solution that is acceptable to both of you.
7. Make An Informed Decision
Ultimately, a decision has to be made.
After communicating about the topic, trying to understand each other, and even getting help from a professional, you both have to decide if the relationship between you can work or not.
If you both want different things, and a compromise can not be reached, it is enough reason for the relationship to end.
This is because you should not be pressured into sex against your desire.
And your partner should not be forced to stay celibate.
This can lead to him cheating or doing other things that are not healthy for your relationship.
The right thing to do is to reach a mutual, healthy agreement on the future of the relationship.